you were convinced for years that Batman was a mildly overweight man with a moderate beer belly who wore his underwear outside of his clothes and talked strangely.

you've ever conversationally used the phrase "Jane, you ignorant slut."

you sat down and memorized the lyrics to It's the End of the World as We Know It by R.E.M.

going to keg parties no longer involves hiding out in the woods when the cops show up.

you know, by heart, the words to any Weird Al Yankovic song.

you remember the days when cocaine was just fine in powder form.

the Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories.

songs by Debbie Gibson still disturb you to this day.

three words: Atari, IntelliVision and Coleco.

you remember the days when safe sex meant your parents were gone for the weekend.

you remember "Friday Night Videos" before the days of MTV.

a predominant color in your childhood photos is "plaid".

you're pissed that you couldn't really participate in the 60s, even more pissed that you were part of the 70s, think you wasted too much time doing stupid, meaningless things in the 80s, migrated to grunge in the 90s, and have no clue what 00s are all about.

while in high school, you and all your friends made elaborate plans to get together again at the millennium and play "1999" by Prince over and over again.

you remember when music that was labeled alternative really was.

one of the top five questions you've always wanted answered was to Robert Smith of the Cure - "What WAS that head on the door thing, anyway?"

you took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van. You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you.

you watched HR Puffenstuff as a child, but now that you're older, you really understand that it would have been much better had you known about drugs at the time.

you can remember a time when going out for coffee DIDN'T involve 49,000 selections.

Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language.

kids who work in restaurants and supermarkets are starting to piss you off by calling you "sir" or "ma'am".

flashback: it was your first chance to vote in a presidential election and you were SO disappointed because, just for laughs, you really wanted to vote for Gary Hart.

the first time you heard the candidates' names, you were pumped because you thought MICHAEL Jackson was running for President, not this Jesse character.

you ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper video.

at one point during your teenage years, you walked with a noticeable tilt to one side due to the number of plastic rings on that arm.

"Celebration" by Kool & the Gang was one of the hot new songs when you first heard it at a school dance.

the first time you ever kissed someone at a dance fell during "Crazy for You" by Madonna.

there were at least three people in your school that voluntarily went by the names of "Skip" "Buffy" "Muffy" or "Dexter".

you ever owned one of those embarrassing crimping irons.

you used to hold in your head the thought that all those gold chains on Mr. T actually looked kinda cool and the thought that Mr. T made millions seemed rational to you at the time.

you remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the streets and made your old big wheel quite obsolete.

you read the "Hot Video Games Player's Secrets" guide for Mortal Kombat just so you could find the hidden screen, and play Pong again for old time's sake.

honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON.

(guys) your first wet dream occurred to thoughts of Jeannie, Marsha Brady, Samantha from Bewitched or, for those hardcore comic fans out there, Daphne from Scooby Doo, Josie or any one of her Pussycats.

(girls) you thought Sean Cassidy was "dreamy", lusted after "Ted, your ship's photographer", and Chachi, or, to keep it fair to the comically interested, thought Fred was just a hunk on Scooby Doo.

you're still occasionally suffering flashbacks from your 21st birthday party.

you freaked out when you found that you now fall into the "31 - 45" age category on most questionnaires.

you have begun to lust after women (or men) that it would be socially inappropriate for you to date due to their age.

your hair, at some point in time in the 80's, became something which can only be described by the phrase "I was experimenting".

you remember when the phrase "candy is dandy, but sex won't rot your teeth" started getting followed by "yeah, but M&M's won't give you AIDS."

you've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton.

you're starting to believe (now that it wouldn't affect YOU) that maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.

you're doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to your major degree.

you won't walk into the place where you once knew every bartender on a first name basis because "there's too many kids there".

you want to go out dancing, you really, REALLY do, but your back hurts, sorry.

you've recently horrified yourself by groaning as you get out of bed, not because of a hangover, but because it genuinely just hurt to do so.

you're finding that you just don't understand more than half the lingo used on MTV any more.

(mostly guys on this one) sex is still as much fun as it used to be, and you're still really interested in it, but you just want to make sure there's nothing really good on cable that you'd be missing first.

you ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon.

U2 became too "popular" and "mainstream" for you.

when someone mentions two consecutive days of the week, the Happy Days theme is stuck in your head for hours on end.

you remember trying to guess the episode of the Brady Bunch from the first scene.

you spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman or Wonder Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man.

you had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding

you're starting to believe that maybe 40 isn't so old after all, and it's those people over 50 you have to look out for (i.e. the preachy freakin' Boomers)

Thankyouverymuch.

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