neo-con  sheeple  [nee-oh-kon  shee-puhl] · Noun · conservabot, limbaughzombie, GOOPer, repugnican, republican't, republican (obsolete)

You think "compassionate conservatism" is when you feel sorry for the homeless guy sleeping in the gutter as you step over him on your way to a $1,000 a plate fund raiser for McCain

You are opposed to increasing the minimum wage and in favor of repealing taxes on
inherited wealth

You dodged the draft during Vietnam (with Daddy's help) and now you question the courage and patriotism of men who came back with medals (and scars) and understand wars are bad

You have no problem with our bombs finding Afghanistan or Iraq even though you can't find either on the map You believe abortion is murder, but murdering Iraqi children is liberating them You believe that the Hostile Occupation of Iraq has something to do with September 11

You think Bush, not Cheney, is in charge

You have bumper stickers that read "Nuke Their Ass" next to "I Support Life"

You are opposed to Affirmative Action in college admissions and attended a private
university as a "legacy"

You think that your way is right and everyone else's way is wrong

You really believe that cutting taxes increases government revenues

You believe in "Liberty and Justice for All" (rich, white, straight men)

You think that the best way to protect people from illegal drugs is to put them in prison

You think that a president lying about getting a blow job by a woman not his wife is an impeachable offense, but starting a war of lies by George W. Bush, allowing prisoners to be tortured and taking freedoms away from your own countrymen is not

You think it is treasonous for a newspaper to report that the government is lying, using torture, invading someone's privacy or breaking the law but think it's okay for them to expose the identity of a covert CIA agent for partisan purposes

You don't know that if it weren't for the French, we'd have lost the American Revolution

You think that (compared to you), a whiskey-guzzling, coke-sniffing, draft-dodging loser is the cream of the American crop and the best this country could offer up for President You're for tax cuts for the rich because you actually believe that one day you'll be rich You're against abortion but don't give a damn about those babies once they're born

You believe you protect freedom by sacrificing it

You think Liberal slant is bad, but think Right Winger slant is just fine

You try to make it complicated, but all Jesus was really saying was "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

You believe that W is a 'man of God' although he does everything Christianity tells you
NOT to do

You're a "good Christian" but you hate more people than you love

You think NPR should be shut down

You actually believe the election results in 2000 and 2004 were correct

You believe free-speech is a felony

You think the USA is the only 'free' country in the world

You think the USA is the ONLY Super Power (because you have never heard of the EU)

You think national health care should be run by the insurance companies

N*gger, Spic and Gook are staples of your vocabulary You firmly believe that the poor folks that got stuck in New Orleans are to blame for their own plight for not having the good sense to have high paying jobs that would have allowed them to purchase cars/SUVs to get out of town and afford hotels in safe areas (Or having the good sense to be born into money)

You can hear, but are physically incapable of listening

You believe our president and government "just wouldn't do things to hurt its citizens"

You fail to see Ann Coulter as nothing more than every blonde joke made flesh

You think corporate interests are national interests

You think Tom Delay has class

You think Universal Health Care is bad but Corporate Welfare is good

You believe Barbara Bush is a sweet old lady, who wouldn't hurt a fly

You think Jesus is the same blond haired, blue eyed, white, Aryan featured dude as in the picture on your fridge

You think Jesus Christ was a great conservative political philosopher

You think no child left behind is a new bus service to the KKK rally

You think McSame is the closest thing to God because of his ability to cause an apocalypse You are impressed by McSame's High School Diploma and think "Gee, even I could rule the free world." You believe "smoke 'em out" is written in foreign policy

You believe Jesse Jackson is the anti-Christ and Jerry Falwell should be referred to "his popeness"

You are certain Bush has created jobs because you have three to pay the heating bill
for your trailer

You believe the Iraqi elections will be fair just like ours

You are against gay marriage but have no problem marrying your cousin

You're pro-life, pro-death penalty, and pro-war, as long as it doesn't effect you personally

You believe that the 700 Club is the only reliable news program that doesn't air on FOX News

You think that reading and investing in knowledge, as well as working on your spelling skills, smacks of northern liberal snobbery which has no place in the US, except perhaps in Massachusetts and in Volvo-driving and New-York-Times-reading Vermont

You think labor unions are a communist plot

You believe that the spread of AIDS can be stopped by pulling funding for sex education and needle exchanges

You point to Sean Hannity and say, "See, Jesus can cure homosexuals!"

You think African-Americans should stop whining because forty years of affirmative action has magically erased the debilitating effects of 246 years of slavery and 100 years of violent Jim Crow racism

You think that Clarence Thomas and Condoleezza Rice are the greatest African-American leaders since Martin Luther King

Vengeance is Yours and the time has come to Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran

top